Like pretty much every person not currently in a romantic relationship, I’ve passed time thinking about what I would like in a mate. (Yes, mate. We’re all animals here, no matter how many pairs of shoes we own.) I’m really enjoying being a single person at this time in my life, but eventually I think it would be nice to have a special person. When I’m ready. So until then, here’s my working list of the qualities with which I feel would be mutually beneficial to both me and my mythical, “perfect” partner:
1. Male. I know that being gay is the “cool new thing”, but I’m just not. I have lots of gay and lesbian friends, and I love them to pieces. But I like dudes. Don’t judge.
2. Money. While material things aren’t important, money exists in this imperfect world in which we live. It costs money to be able to do things like enjoy food, clothe yourself, pay for your lifestyle (home, car, pets, etc.) I have my own money. Myth-man needs his own, too.
3. A good job. This isn’t about money. Even if the perfect man is independently wealthy, I want him to have a job of some sort. It’s good for character, no matter who you are. And character matters most to me.
4. Sexuality. Our lovely society propagates the idea that all men are created with a perpetually high libido. It’s not the case. I would like someone whose libido reflects my own. Obviously, no two people will be exactly alike in any area. But I need to be shown physical love, and often. I compromised this aspect of myself before, to my own detriment. I have learned that this is simply an area where I need to compromise less.
5. A dream. This could be his job, his hobby, his personal life. People who have something for which to strive are highly attractive to me. My own dreams are immensely important to me; that is a feeling I need to share with someone. If I’m the half of the relationship that works towards dreams, then I’ll eventually choose that dream over him. It’s been my life’s most consistent truth. If we each have dreams, then we won’t need to live vicariously through one another, and we won’t have to sacrifice aspirations for the relationship, or vice versa.
7. Trustworthiness. It’s not about fidelity, although that’s important (moderately, at least). It’s about knowing he’s going to do what he says he’ll do. Trusting that he’ll answer the phone/texts/emails, that he’ll show up when he says he will, that he’ll be there to listen when I go on a rant-fest or a cry-jag. It’s about never being afraid of him or what he’ll do, no matter what.
8. Personality. A funny, introspective, conscientious, artistic (negotiable), ambivert who knows how to effectively communicate thoughts and feelings. When we fight, I want to hear the truth. I don’t want someone who blurts out things he doesn’t mean because he’s angry; I don’t want someone who never says what he really feels because he’s afraid of my reaction. I simply want honesty, which really isn’t simple at all. Relationships aren’t all sunshine and daisies; there’s a lot of fighting. But the fighting needs to lead to something, to help the relationship grow, so there can be prettier daisies later on.
9. A personal sense of style. Not fashion, because that’s fleeting and meaningless. Style, to me, means that you put effort into letting your inner self show in your clothes, shoes, hair, accessories (not many straight men accessorize, but if they want to, why not?), etc. Your body may not be the essence of you, but the way you decorate it should try to convey as much as possible.
10. Political and Religious tolerance. I am a Reform Jewish Libertarian. There’s approximately three of us in the world. My life philosophy revolves around being allowed to do, think, act, and believe what makes sense to me at that moment. My worldviews don’t have to be shared by my partner (although that always makes things easier), but I can’t spend much time with a person who doesn’t accept my point of view as valid. These are things about myself that I’m not willing to let anyone try and change about me. Obviously I’ve gone through changes in my life (except for being Libertarian; I’ve been Libertarian since I was about 10), but they have been a result of my own journey, and not imposed upon me by another person.
11. Intelligence. Formal education is cool, but not important (although I love my degree and my alma mater). Education means bupkis when it comes to intelligence. Some of the most intellectual people I know have no post-high-school formal education. But they care about using their brains. And that, above all else in this post, is of highest importance to me. A well-used mind is the hottest thing possible.
So if you happen to run into a single, straight, tall, attractive, rich, intelligent, funny, Jewish Libertarian man with a penchant for revolutionizing the world via heavy accessorizing, send him my way, We’re perfect for one another. Because I have no flaws whatsoever.